Is It My Smell? Do They Sense Fear? What?

I am a wasp magnet.

We noticed this many years ago when we were attending our yearly PNE (Pacific National Exhibition). Our family goes every year, and we basically stuff ourselves on over-priced deep fried foods, have a beer or two in the beer garden, and spend a fortune on miracle products of every kind. The miracle product purchases go all the way back to when I was a little girl attending the PNE with my mother, whose earliest purchase that I can remember was the ubiquitous J-Cloth, then coming out on the market for the first time. This should give you some idea of how long we have been attending the PNE. Since then we have purchased pens that write upside down (not), stain remover that takes out everything (nuh-uh), pans that keep their non-stick coating forever (provided "forever" means five years), a Bamix wand mixer (about twenty years ago, and is still going strong--we use it all the time), and about twenty different cleaning mops, all of which have gone the way of the dodo because we are still using the good old yacht mop for cleaning the floors at home.

But this has little to do with the fact that I am a wasp magnet. We never gave it much thought, my family and I. At some point in the day I would be seen running short distances through the crowd, contorting my body in weird positions and trying not to spill my food/drink/purchases, trying to evade one or two wasps as they followed single-mindedly along. It's a crowd, for cryin' out loud! Everyone has food/drink/purchases! But no, they gotta go with me. My twin sister mentioned, as I came back to the family's table where we--they, rather--were eating, that I always seem to attract wasps at the PNE. Well; you know what a family is like. They were on that fact like butter on a lobster. And I noticed, to my surprise, that it was true. It just had been happening so long I never realized. At the beach. Picnics. The park. Once, in the dead of winter, at work (inside!), I looked down to find one crawling up my leg. Big freak-out on that one. What kind of nutsoid action is that? In winter! A wasp!

Anyhoo, it's a cross I've had to bear for as long as I can remember. My family is quite content with this mutant attraction; and why not? They just station me a little ways away when we eat and they are wasp-free. We had a family outdoor dinner yesterday. Because the sun made it quite warm we put up a screen tent to shade the food and us as we ate. It was a long banquet table, with crab, fruit, dips, veggies, spring rolls and drinks from end to end. As we sat down to enjoy our repast, we were accosted by three wasps. What did my family do? They all looked accusingly at me, like I was somehow to blame. Fortunately a nice little breeze kicked up and the wasps were blown off-course. But I tell you, I got the distinct feeling that I very nearly ended up eating in the lane behind our house.

I saw a commercial the other day. It was for kids, and the message was, "Nobody is good at everything, but everybody is good at something." I'd kind of like to meet the makers of that commercial.
In a room.
On a summer day.
With PNE food in my hand.